Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
