If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
