I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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