I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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