peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
