So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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