So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
