you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
