I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
