At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
