my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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