Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
