i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
