So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
