Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
