gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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