Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
