i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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