He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
