So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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