So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
