I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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