Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
