i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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