Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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