I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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