we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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