so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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