i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
