It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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