I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
