I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
