Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
