Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
