my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You took a bar mat shot.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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