Nicole vs. Life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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