Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
