p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
