I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
