Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
