Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
