Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize