Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
this hospital has no fireball
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
