i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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