My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize