Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
