ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i dont even know how to be here
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize