jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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