Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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