Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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