Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Randomize
