he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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