I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i've created a new STD.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
