he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
