I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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