I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
