I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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