I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
