I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
