He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
