so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize