so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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