We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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