I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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