Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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