true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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