when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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