I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
