We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
