are you still at the devil's house?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
