Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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