my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
