I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
