Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
